The Land Between

This year we vacationed up north in a little town called Norland.

There is not a lot there.

I took a picture of this, their town sign because I found it humorous.

The Land Between. What a funny thing to put on a sign!

Funny then...not so funny now.

Like I said, we vacationed in The Land Between.

I never expected I would stay there this long.

The Land Between. You now, some days God is so very clear with what He is telling you. Some days He makes it very clear. And then there are those times that you miss completely.

And this has been one of those times.

See, this journey that God has me on was jump started during my time in Norland, and since then I have felt "in between". Not being able to go back to life as it was, yet not getting the green light to move forward. I have been in between for 4 months.

And I can almost taste the change, it's that close.

And I live in anticipation every day of the answer that is sure to come.

And it is breaking me beyond anything I have ever felt.

Yesterday I hit that point when tears come, and anger flows, and pain happens, and this tortured soul cried out into the silence, only to be met with peace.

Peace so real and tangible

Peace so undeserving.

And I am reminded by a dear friend to trust.

So I do. Because thats all I have left.

Be Strong and Courageous

I can just imagine it.

after a trip that only need take 11 days turned to forty years

food from heaven to sustain

old life dying off and making room for new

And the command comes.

be strong and courageous.

And new spies go to re-visit the land of the strong hold, and realize that its not so strong, and they know they can defeat that which held them captive for 40 years.

But there is one thing left in the way.

the Jordan River

Calm most of the year, but the season is Harvest, and the river is overflowing its own banks, fast flowing, and looks like death.

And Israel can only recall stories of the great Red Sea, for they themselves were not present to witness the miracle of water folding back on itself. And Moses is not with them to raise staff over head and command "Part!".

And God has been invisible for 40 years, only showing Himself through manna and quail and even then, consistent gifts from God loose majesty, don't they.

Be Strong and Courageous

Joshua prepares Israel for task a head by commanding purity, for God will do great things.

And to the Priests, the ones chosen to bare the Ark, the dwelling of God, he tells to step out into the river.

For this time around, the walk is by faith, not by sight. The way is not made easy, or so it seems.

there is no parting of water before stepping out, no proof of salvation

because God does not always do things the same way.

Deciding to let Israel walk the path unknown, He chooses to stay hidden even now.

So the Priests step out into the river, feet touching current, water easily able to take them

Be STRONG and COURAGEOUS

And by Faith water parts

And God is in the middle of it all, holding back death itself to make way clear for His kids.

Linking with Imperfect Prose

Doubt

He stepped out of the boat and walked,

the destination was the Saviour

the surface was water.

What was it that caused him to place one foot after the other out of that boat? The water was not inviting, nor was the wind. Like a violent breath, it tossed the boat about on that less then peaceful surface,

less then peaceful circumstances.

Did he fear at that moment, or was he too far gone in adventure that he was willing to risk all, just to be like Jesus?

And as he walked across that wet watery grave, was his doubt sudden, or did it start with a small thought, one that grew grand in the face of the storm, one that was perhaps not so grand to begin with?

And there he was, sinking fast, even though he was right in front of the Saviour, within arms reach, he doubted. He feared.

He had already experienced the miracle, yet doubted the one who caused it to happen.

Peter, whose name means rock, sank like one.

And Jesus reached out and pulled him out of that water.

And He scolds Peter, not for lack of faith, but for little faith, because Peter had more faith then anyone else in that boat. He got out, and he walked on water with the Saviour, the only 2 people to ever do that. And as he stood in front of the Saviour, he sank.

And thats where I am. In front of Jesus.

I've already got out of the boat

I've already experienced the miracles of walking on water

And I am standing before my saviour

yet I feel like I am sinking.

Do I have lack of faith?

No

Do I have little faith?

Yes

Have I sank yet?

No

But I know that if I do sink, i know that Jesus will pick me up and place me back on the water, back in the middle of the storm.

See, Jesus didn't fix it for Peter. He could have carried him, he could have put him back in the boat, but He didn't. He places Peter back in the same situation that he sank in.

and the best part of this story for me is this

After Jesus pulls Peter out of the water

they begin the journey back

Together.

Linking with Imperfect Prose

the Cross

"If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine.If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it."

-Jesus, Matthew 10:38-39

Powerful words spoken by the Son of Man.

Many of you have read in my previous blogs of the journy that God has been taking me on over the last few months.

Well, I have reached a cross roads. It is desision time. Tomorrow could change my life, as I know it, fovever.

Life as I know it.

What is life?

I like my life right now. And I don't understand the things that God is asking of me. They don't make much sence. So I have been clinging to my life. I don't want to let it go because it is nice, it is comfortable. I know this life.

"anyone who clings to life will lose it"

these words struck me as I read them.

Cling...lose....

And I heard Him again.

As tho He had read the WORD to me Himself.

"This verse is meant for you to do now, just as it was when you first knew me. Why do you cling to this life you have? You will lose it. Let it go, so that I can show you the life I intend for you"

Powerful words spoken by the Son of God.

I am convicted.

I have been disiplined.

I have desided to pick up my cross again.

For this life I have is nothing to cling to

It is dirty

It is broken

and not carrying the cross has made me weary.

So tomorrow, as I let go of my life, i will uncurl my fingers, relax whitened knuckles, and stop clinging to the life I desperatly want to hold onto, trusting that when I do, I will find the life God has waiting for me.

Pray for me friends. This is easier to write about then to do.

linking up today with Imperfect Prose http://canvaschild.blogspot.com/

My Son

This is my son. He is 19 months old.
In this picture he looks calm, but in real life his is full of untamed enery.
It starts with a glint in his eye..one that never seems to subside. He pours himself into all that he does, even tho most of the time it ends with bruise and bump, and sometimes blood.
He likes to wear baskets on his head and will eat ANYTHING he find no matter how gross it is (his favorite is chalk....)
He is daring. He is courageous.

I want to be more like him.
He reminds me of what it is that God has called me to be, and how far I fall from that!
to be innocent of thought that counters what God made me to be!
to be able to not be afraid of bumps, bruises, and blood.
to be able to wear baskets on my head with out shame.


linking up with http://canvaschild.blogspot.com for Imperfect Prose

Paralyzed

Have you ever thought about what it would be like to be paralyzed? I have.

I don't think I would like it very much.

I don't think that anyone wakes up in the morning and says "boy oh boy, i think I would like to be paralyzed today!" (and if you do..well thats kinda strange)

In Matthew chapter 9, some dudes bring a paralized guy to Jesus. They cut a hole in the roof and lower him down in hopes that he will be healed. Thats pretty extreme!! They mush have really loved him.

So imagine their surprise when Jesus says "take heart, son! Your sins are forgiven!"

I mean, common! They cut a hole in the ROOF! And Jesus doesn't heal him of his physical paralysis.

Perhaps Jesus did that for a reason. Perhaps he saw a paralysis that went beyond the physical.

Spiritualy Paralized. Have you ever thought about that? Paralyzed (paralysis) means not being able to move. Have you ever felt that way? I know I have. And I know that a lot of times I place myself in that position because of sin that I don't want to let go of.

And sometimes it takes someone who loves me to carry me to the feet of Jesus and plunk me down in front of Him to realize that I haven't been moving for a really really long time.

Yet, as in Matthew, the result isn't always how I imagin.

I am sure the man on the mat expected Jesus to heal him. Everyone did.

But instead Jesus looks beyond the physical, sees the spiritual, and give the man NOT what he wanted, but what he needed....to be healed of the spirital paralysis that sin creates.

And the man accepted that. And I say that for 2 reason.
1) it was not him that challenged Jesus as to whether or not He could forgive sin
and
2) when Jesus desided to prove the spiritual healing by redeaming the physical.......

the man was READY!!!

when Jesus told him to "stand up, take your mat, and go home because you are healed", he JUMPED up and went home! He had already acknowledged what Jesus had done IN him, and was ready and waiting for Jesus to work THROUGH him, by using him as proof that Jesus did indeed have the authority to forgive sins.

So when the unexpected leads to the anticipated, don't forget to be ready to jump.


linking with Imperfect Prose at http://canvaschild.blogspot.com/

wise words, foolish followers

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied"
-Matthew 5:6

I keep coming back to this verse.
In particular, the part where Jesus uses the words hunger and thirst to describe how we should be for righteousness.

Imagine being hungry and thirsty, and i mean for real, not just wanting-a-bedtime-snack hungry and thirsty, but a I-haven't-eaten-in-days hungry and thirsty.

Imagine the feeling. Stomach rumbling, mouth salavaiting at the thought of food and drink, mind thinking of nothing else.

Longing
Craving
Desire

You would do anything to be fed, to have a drink, to satisfy that hunger and thirst.

Is this what Jesus meant when he said that we are blessed when we hunger and thirst for righteousness?

Is this what we do?

a part of imperfect prose http://canvaschild.blogspot.com/

child of God

This is my son. He is 3.

Somedays he surprises me with what he knows.

He tells me when he's frustraited.

He make me have to hid a giggle when he tells me I'm not being kind when I have to disipline him.

He dances unashamed in nothing but his underwear.

He says the Lords prayer every night, and with child faith reminds me how to mean it.

He feels things like love

He delights in the simple

He feels guilt for things, and takes on others pain

He is a person, created by God, in his very image.

And I get to be his mommy

:)

linking up with http://canvaschild.blogspot.com/

my mind

Balance.

Walking the Line.

Standing on the edge.

Jump?

Taking the plunge

into new

Scared?

Yes

Excited?

Yes

Ready to go

Waiting to hear

fearing the answer

hoping

wishing

PRAYING

Noah

Last week i wrote about being mad at a lot of things, and at God.
Well, God and I had a talk.
Yesterday I was driving home from having coffee with a friend, and we had chatted about all the stuff in my life, and I was feeling confused and frustraited. My friend asked if I had asked God any direct questions.

You know, I never thought of that.

I have spent a lot of time avoiding the inevitable converstaion with God...i think mostly because I have been too scared of His answer. Because what He's been asking seems nuts.

So on the way home we (God and I) talked.

For a while it was just me talking..telling Him what I want.
"Write your answer in the clouds" I told him (but make it really legable because I'm driving...)

and He didn't

"I'll take ANY answer...ANYTHING"

Nothing but silence.

So I asked Him something direct...the thing...the place...the word...that I have been avoiding saying for months.

Nothing

I turned on the radio to a Christian station I knew of, and Adventures in Odyssey was on (I love that show)
They were telling the story of Noah.
So I listened.
I listened for 15 minuets,
and then I heard

"Make a Boat..."
God said to Noah
"I am about to cover the earth with a flood that will destroy every living thing....bring animals.....collect food for them...."

"So Noah did exactly as God commanded"

Here is a man that God talked to....God told him to do something that seemed SO crazy! I am sure people around him thought he was nuts.
And Noah built that ark for 120 years and collected food, and filled it with animals BEFORE God brought the rain, something that hadn't happened before!
The whole thing seemed nuts

"So Noah did exactly as God commanded"

Yesterday I heard clearly from God. He talked to me. He answered my cries in the car. He let me cry when He answered and he will hold me through it all.

My answer back is YES.


linking up with Imperfect Prose at http://canvaschild.blogspot.com/

Anger

Today has been....oh you know..."one of those" days.

Quite honestly, I woke up this morning mad.

Mad at everything that is happening, and at everything that is NOT happening.

hmm..what else...

oh

mad at God.

ya.

Why is it that when I feel like I need answers most, He remains quiet? I mean, common! I am trying here! Trying to trust, trying to do what He asks...and I get nothing!

But then again, "nothing" does not seem fitting.

As I look at this picture, I am reminded of something He did say a couple days ago. I am reminded that He is not quiet, because as I made this shirt, he spoke to me and guided my creativity.
I am also reminded that I am simply not listening. He is speaking, and I am too caught up in demanding answers that I want, and not willing to sit down, be still, and recieve the truth that He offers.

Life

Life that is wrapped up in Christ's death. And only by His death , by the shedding of blood from hands, feet and side, do I truely have life.

And because of death I have everything.

And that is the truth. That is life. As it should be.
And I complain that I have nothing.
And I demand that I need answers.

But really, I don't.



(the shirt above is called "redemtion". I made it for myself last week....didn't know it was speak to me today!)

back to Imperfect Prose http://canvaschild.blogspot.com/

All about God

This is a post by my husband, who started to write down the things we talked about one day while I was driving. I was going to re write it, but I love the honesty in the way he describes what I have been expiriencing.


My wife and I work for Youth for Christ, a christian ministry in which we work to see young people come to Christ and are lit on fire by the Holy Spirit.
With that we have two little boys, run a drop-in and have very little time for each other to date...SO, when we get the chance we love to drive with one another and talk, share stories, hold hands (when traffic is good) and talk about Jesus and where we are at with Him.

Today, we are on a trip to Toronto and we are driving, listening to worship music and I am realizing something about God...something I have known before, but this time its deeper, more real, it has more color, its fresh, new and vibrant...it leaves my heart thirsting for Him like that glass of water that your drinking and its so good you drink greedily to the point water overflows and runs out of the cup, down your cheeks, on your chin and drips on your shirt.

Melissa has gone through some pretty cool inner healing in the last few months. She was able to attend a training event called Summer Institute and while leading worship there, she met a REALLY good friend. His name is Martin, he also works with YFC and is the exact male version of Melissa. On top of all this Melissa has made a really good friend with another girl named Emily. Through Martin , God has helped Melissa realize some deep rooted fear about herself and has brought up and out some insecurities in herself. In bringing these fears out, we have been able to pray and see God do some incredible healing work in her life. As healing and life started to flow through Melissa again she started a new sewing line called ‘life line’ a brand of home made clothing that has a prophetic edge to it.

In Melissa’s creative side and many other sides she has never been affirmed and encouraged...Along comes Emily, a beautiful artist of words and brush, who seems to have a great respect and love for my wife.

Now here’s the cool part.
Martin, by personality is truthful, he will speak the truth even if it hurts.
Emily is a compassionate and nourishing person who has been the encouraging backbone to Melissa’s new life.

I find it amazing that God has brought her two friends to bring about some real change in her life! One, a guy that she cannot get too close to for obvious reasons, who is able to point her to really look to why she is the way she is and the other is a girl who is able to provide Melissa with the care that the guy cannot.

Do you SEE it? God has set this up. See, the danger in any situation like this is you don’t see the gift of a cross gender friend, so the fruit of old can turn a gift into a curse.

HOWEVER God has sent her two friends to bring about significant change in her life. God is behind this--Melissa could see this as just two cool friends that challenge her, but instead she sees this as God working and giving her what she needs to be free of habits and mindsets that have held her in fear and sin for years.

God sent friends into her life to free her for Him. The friends are not the important thing at this point, they are as faceless checkpoints for the Bride to gather the strength to see the bridegroom beckoning her to himself.

Its ALL about God.

-by Adam Shepski

"Breath of Life"

In the begining of June I had inspiration.

It was like a flood gate opened up and an out pouring started to happen.

God's unplugged some stuff in my life and made a clearer path for me to hear Him.

So began my "Life Line", a line of clothing God inspired and Spirit directed. Sounds odd, I know.

As I began to pray for certain people, ideas would pop into my head, I'd draw them out, and then make them into the shirts you can see below on my blog.

But I had 2 designs that had no people.

So I have been praying for people to go with the designs. And waiting. Anxious to create, but making myself wait.

"Breath of Life" is the title of one of the designs.

Last week I had coffee with a friend who is currently separated from her husband. She shared her story, full of heart ache, hardship, loss, and loniness. She shared about not really knowing where God is taking her, not seeing what will come of this mess, and as she spoke,

I.Heard.God.

"Breath of Life"

It symbolizes being blown in God's winds.

The thing with wind is.....it's not really gentle. It can be rough, and sometimes it can hurt.

And like a leaf being tossed about, sometimes it is hard to tell which way is up.

But when the wind is directed by God, no matter how hurtful and hard and confusing, you can at least rest in the fact that it is Good.

As I created this piece and prayed for the wearer, it came to mind that I needed to place something on the inner part of the hood. A prayer of protection of sort.

P91

Psalm 91, now a visable prayer of protection to guard against hurtful words and old mindsets as she grows and battles against the Powers that work against her.

If you think of it, pray for my friend. She is an incredible woman of Faith, a true follower of our Lord and King. She is a woman of wisdom, and remains steadfast to the promises of Christ Jesus.

a part of Imperfect Prose at http://canvaschild.blogspot.com/

"Pour Out My Heart"

"I have a hard time sharing what's on my heart,

yet I desire to share, willing to if someone would listen....

this shirt is a visible expression of who I really am."

(what this shirt means to the wearer)

"Life"

"A tree always grows,

always pushs through,

and in season it always bears fruit.

This is Life."

(what this shirt means to the wearer)

Linked to Thursdays http://canvaschild.blogspot.com/

Fears and other stuff

I'm going to let you in on a little secret

All my life there is one thing that I have been afraid of
Like by afriad I mean
Terrified, nightmares, sickeningly fearful of

I hate thinking about it
I hate talking about it in great length, and depth

Yet it is a place I have always wanted to go.
So my way of dealing with this fear
was to remember that it is a good place.

That only helped so long as I didn't think about it.

Oh ya. the place that gave me great fear?

Heaven.

A place where perfection is
the wiping away of every tear
illness gone for good
wholeness and oneness complete
Forever
and ever
and ever


And to me that thought of Forever has always overcome me to the point of no sleep and being gripped by this terror I couldn't seem to win against.

But something has changed for me
I no longer fear it, but crave it
like a sweet taste in my mouth that I don't want to forget
I long for that eternity
For the first time that I can remember!

Heaven was described in a book i just read
it was full of living colors
and movement
and joy
and Jesus was there, Crowned King of the Universe.
And the children ran to him
and the Adults ran to him
and he embraced them all
and they smiled
and they laughed
and they worshiped.

And something in me clicked.
I want that.

And now, knowing that someday I will indeed have it, I eagerly wait for the day I get to run into those arms of My King.

Ponderings

So right now in life
I question.
What?
Why?
When?
Do I really want to know?
Because that would mean that I would have to do
and doing is hard
because it usually is not what I want at all
Or is it?
If I want what God wants
then I must want this too
But do I?
Honestly?
Why lead blind when He could just show me?
Why a new path when this one is tried and true?
Why challenge everything that seems so perfect?

Why?
Simply this

If God asks, I should do
If he uproots, I should go
If He Calls, I should answer

(Isaiah 42:16)

this is my prose for Thursdays. To return, click here ->http://canvaschild.blogspot.com/

Running

Every day they run.



Around the house.

Around the yard.


Around my mind.



I love them both so much. They are my boys.
Sometimes they get along, sometimes they don't.
But for the most part they do.

My Love for them comes naturally.
Their love for me doesn't.

Their love for eachother doesn't

I have to teach them how to love

That is a scary job

How do you teach someone how to love, when I myself am so imperfect at it?

I often remind myself of my boys.

Everyday I run too.

From my Daddy

Yet He loves me so naturally

and It doesn't come like that for me

I have to learn from Him how to love.

So as I learn to love, I then learn how to teach my boys how to love Him, to love me, to love eachother.

Thanks Dad is heaven for showing me how.

I love You.

back to Imperfect Prose http://canvaschild.blogspot.com/

Hearing

"I can't believe it"
She said as I showed her my sketch for a shirt designed for her
"That is me! That is what I have been questioning God about all weekend"



It has been an interesting journey for me.
I was freed from some baggage 2 months ago, and since then, I am more free to hear.

The Spirit speaks.


I hear.




I sketch.




She cried.







This one is called "Spirit Rain, Flood In, Pour Out"
This friend of mine was battling with thoughts of

Does God use me still?
Do I pour out what he has given me?

I think His answer was "YES"!



back to Imperfect Prose at http://canvaschild.blogspot.com/

12 hours

My Husband Adam has been gone for three weeks.
He went to Africa on a mission trip to work with AIDS orphans. I am proud of him for that.
We had little communication the time he was gone, barley talking more then twice.
Three weeks feels like an eternity when you have 2 little boys!

People have told me that I am so strong to make it through this, that they would never be able to, that they would never do it.

The truth is, I am not strong, I can't do it either, and I never had a choice to say no.
There are some things in life that have options. Taking care of orphans is not one of those things.

So off he flew to represent Saviour to kids
And here at home I stayed to represent Saviour to ours.

Now here I am, three weeks done. 12 hours until I see him again. My husband. My love.

I can hardly wait.

Creating

So I love to create things
It's what I do.
I love to expiriment.
I am rarely happy with my work.

but sometimes I am.

I make things out of fabric.
It seems to me tho that it is more then just making.
It's creating.
Creating a piece of work that has yet to be thought of
Creating something that is origional, one of-a kind-right out of my brain
Creating something spiritual?

Creating is Spiritual

Once there was another Creator who Spiritually created.
Origional works, one of a kind stuff that had yet to be thought of.

I want to be like Him.

At First

You will have to forgive me.

I have never blogged before.

All this is new territory for me, this sharing of ideas, feelings, thoughts.

I never thought I'd be at this point...yet here I am..blogging.

I have no idea what this blog will be about. Perhaps to show my art, perhaps much more?

So please bare with me as I wade through the newness of this interactive wide web if a world.

I am also a terrible speller. Terrible at spelling. Whatever, you get my point. (My grammar is pretty bad to!)

Anyhow, that is life. Or something like it......