Doubt

He stepped out of the boat and walked,

the destination was the Saviour

the surface was water.

What was it that caused him to place one foot after the other out of that boat? The water was not inviting, nor was the wind. Like a violent breath, it tossed the boat about on that less then peaceful surface,

less then peaceful circumstances.

Did he fear at that moment, or was he too far gone in adventure that he was willing to risk all, just to be like Jesus?

And as he walked across that wet watery grave, was his doubt sudden, or did it start with a small thought, one that grew grand in the face of the storm, one that was perhaps not so grand to begin with?

And there he was, sinking fast, even though he was right in front of the Saviour, within arms reach, he doubted. He feared.

He had already experienced the miracle, yet doubted the one who caused it to happen.

Peter, whose name means rock, sank like one.

And Jesus reached out and pulled him out of that water.

And He scolds Peter, not for lack of faith, but for little faith, because Peter had more faith then anyone else in that boat. He got out, and he walked on water with the Saviour, the only 2 people to ever do that. And as he stood in front of the Saviour, he sank.

And thats where I am. In front of Jesus.

I've already got out of the boat

I've already experienced the miracles of walking on water

And I am standing before my saviour

yet I feel like I am sinking.

Do I have lack of faith?

No

Do I have little faith?

Yes

Have I sank yet?

No

But I know that if I do sink, i know that Jesus will pick me up and place me back on the water, back in the middle of the storm.

See, Jesus didn't fix it for Peter. He could have carried him, he could have put him back in the boat, but He didn't. He places Peter back in the same situation that he sank in.

and the best part of this story for me is this

After Jesus pulls Peter out of the water

they begin the journey back

Together.

Linking with Imperfect Prose

the Cross

"If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine.If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it."

-Jesus, Matthew 10:38-39

Powerful words spoken by the Son of Man.

Many of you have read in my previous blogs of the journy that God has been taking me on over the last few months.

Well, I have reached a cross roads. It is desision time. Tomorrow could change my life, as I know it, fovever.

Life as I know it.

What is life?

I like my life right now. And I don't understand the things that God is asking of me. They don't make much sence. So I have been clinging to my life. I don't want to let it go because it is nice, it is comfortable. I know this life.

"anyone who clings to life will lose it"

these words struck me as I read them.

Cling...lose....

And I heard Him again.

As tho He had read the WORD to me Himself.

"This verse is meant for you to do now, just as it was when you first knew me. Why do you cling to this life you have? You will lose it. Let it go, so that I can show you the life I intend for you"

Powerful words spoken by the Son of God.

I am convicted.

I have been disiplined.

I have desided to pick up my cross again.

For this life I have is nothing to cling to

It is dirty

It is broken

and not carrying the cross has made me weary.

So tomorrow, as I let go of my life, i will uncurl my fingers, relax whitened knuckles, and stop clinging to the life I desperatly want to hold onto, trusting that when I do, I will find the life God has waiting for me.

Pray for me friends. This is easier to write about then to do.

linking up today with Imperfect Prose http://canvaschild.blogspot.com/