vision

Meanwhile, Moses, Aaron and Hur climbed to the top of a nearby hill. as long as moses held up the staff in his hand, the Israelites had the advantage. But whenever he dropped his hand, the Amalekites gained the advantage. - Exodus 17:10-11

Have you ever tried that?

Holding your hands above your head.

Give it a shot, see how long you last.

After about 60 seconds you really start to feel it.

And the outcome of that battle depended on one mans hands in the air? Battles last more the 60 seconds. Imagine being Moses, knowing that he needed to keep his hands raised, yet knowing how impossible that was going to be.

Keeping hands raised.

Yesterday was a strange day for me.

A day that started with doubt, followed by a heavy dose of anxiety and fear, and a what-the-heck-am-I-doing?

I felt spiraled down ward, with no control of the deepening fear that was overtaking my body. I felt like I was grasping at nothing but lost dream and hope. And I was alone. No one understood the anxious feeling that was choking life out of me, and I couldn't explain it either.

But then there was the vision.

It was of me with my hands to my sides, unable to lift them up because i was surrounded by fear, self doubt, etc. Every time I tried to lift them up, my hands went into all that junk, but as long as i kept still, I was fine.

I felt bound.

I drew a picture of it as I talked on the phone to my friend, unable to really express what was going on in my head.

As I drew, I explained to him what I was seeing.

And he brought to my attention the story of Moses and the battle against the Amalekites, the Scripture I referenced at the start.

Suddenly I realized that my hands needed to be in the air, that in the midst of battle, I had dropped them, yet I couldn't get them up anymore. It's not that I had given into the thoughts that plague my mind, on the contrary, I was more convinced of God's call then ever before, but I had nothing left in me to get my hands back up again.

And then, my dear friend reminded me of the rest of the battle story...the part where Aaron and Hur held up Moses' hands when he no longer had the strength to do it on his own.

Moses' arms soon became so tired he could no longer hold them up. so Aaron and Hur found a stone for him to sit on. Then they stood on each side of Moses, holding up his hands

-Exodus 17:12

I wept.

For I realized that I was worn, my arms were tired, I couldn't do it on my own, but then, I didn't have to, for God had supplied me with an Aaron (my Husband) and a Hur (my friend). Two men of God willing to stand for me when I no longer had the strength.

Together, they raised my hands again, and I all I can do is sit and watch the battle, and witness God's miraculous plan now start to unfold.

My husband drew the rest of this picture beside the one I drew of the vision I had...my Aaron and Hur raising my hands, fighting with me.

A quick update to those who have been reading about the crazy change happening in my life...we now have a moving date, even tho our house has not sold yet, (another crazy story that I will save for later). We say goodbye to Wingham June 7th, a mere week and a half away.

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