Monday, August 30, 2010

Fears and other stuff

I'm going to let you in on a little secret

All my life there is one thing that I have been afraid of
Like by afriad I mean
Terrified, nightmares, sickeningly fearful of

I hate thinking about it
I hate talking about it in great length, and depth

Yet it is a place I have always wanted to go.
So my way of dealing with this fear
was to remember that it is a good place.

That only helped so long as I didn't think about it.

Oh ya. the place that gave me great fear?


A place where perfection is
the wiping away of every tear
illness gone for good
wholeness and oneness complete
and ever
and ever

And to me that thought of Forever has always overcome me to the point of no sleep and being gripped by this terror I couldn't seem to win against.

But something has changed for me
I no longer fear it, but crave it
like a sweet taste in my mouth that I don't want to forget
I long for that eternity
For the first time that I can remember!

Heaven was described in a book i just read
it was full of living colors
and movement
and joy
and Jesus was there, Crowned King of the Universe.
And the children ran to him
and the Adults ran to him
and he embraced them all
and they smiled
and they laughed
and they worshiped.

And something in me clicked.
I want that.

And now, knowing that someday I will indeed have it, I eagerly wait for the day I get to run into those arms of My King.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010


So right now in life
I question.
Do I really want to know?
Because that would mean that I would have to do
and doing is hard
because it usually is not what I want at all
Or is it?
If I want what God wants
then I must want this too
But do I?
Why lead blind when He could just show me?
Why a new path when this one is tried and true?
Why challenge everything that seems so perfect?

Simply this

If God asks, I should do
If he uproots, I should go
If He Calls, I should answer

(Isaiah 42:16)

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Wednesday, August 18, 2010


Every day they run.

Around the house.

Around the yard.

Around my mind.

I love them both so much. They are my boys.
Sometimes they get along, sometimes they don't.
But for the most part they do.

My Love for them comes naturally.
Their love for me doesn't.
Their love for eachother doesn't
I have to teach them how to love

That is a scary job

How do you teach someone how to love, when I myself am so imperfect at it?

I often remind myself of my boys.
Everyday I run too.
From my Daddy
Yet He loves me so naturally
and It doesn't come like that for me
I have to learn from Him how to love.

So as I learn to love, I then learn how to teach my boys how to love Him, to love me, to love eachother.

Thanks Dad is heaven for showing me how.

I love You.

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Wednesday, August 4, 2010


"I can't believe it"
She said as I showed her my sketch for a shirt designed for her
"That is me! That is what I have been questioning God about all weekend"

It has been an interesting journey for me.
I was freed from some baggage 2 months ago, and since then, I am more free to hear.

The Spirit speaks.

I hear.

I sketch.

She cried.

This one is called "Spirit Rain, Flood In, Pour Out"
This friend of mine was battling with thoughts of

Does God use me still?
Do I pour out what he has given me?

I think His answer was "YES"!

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