Monday, August 30, 2010

Fears and other stuff

I'm going to let you in on a little secret

All my life there is one thing that I have been afraid of
Like by afriad I mean
Terrified, nightmares, sickeningly fearful of

I hate thinking about it
I hate talking about it in great length, and depth

Yet it is a place I have always wanted to go.
So my way of dealing with this fear
was to remember that it is a good place.

That only helped so long as I didn't think about it.

Oh ya. the place that gave me great fear?


A place where perfection is
the wiping away of every tear
illness gone for good
wholeness and oneness complete
and ever
and ever

And to me that thought of Forever has always overcome me to the point of no sleep and being gripped by this terror I couldn't seem to win against.

But something has changed for me
I no longer fear it, but crave it
like a sweet taste in my mouth that I don't want to forget
I long for that eternity
For the first time that I can remember!

Heaven was described in a book i just read
it was full of living colors
and movement
and joy
and Jesus was there, Crowned King of the Universe.
And the children ran to him
and the Adults ran to him
and he embraced them all
and they smiled
and they laughed
and they worshiped.

And something in me clicked.
I want that.

And now, knowing that someday I will indeed have it, I eagerly wait for the day I get to run into those arms of My King.


  1. I understand that our finite minds have a hard time grasping both the unknown and the infinite. I remember, when I was young, reading the book "Christy," by Catherine Marshall. It is a fictional story based loosely on her mother's life as a young missionary in Appalachia.

    In the book a dear young friend of Christy's dies suddenly and tragically, then Christy herself almost dies of typhoid. She "visits" heaven, and the description of that experience made me want to go there. It was so real, so lovely, so full of love and life and joy.

    I know it was fictional, but I believe Catherine Marshall (whose husband had died quite young, leaving her with a young son to raise alone) had a gift for describing the things of God and the things of the Spirit, and her "picture" was a gift to me at that time, just as your book was for you.

  2. I have grappled with this fear almost exactly as you have described. I don't think I am quite at the point of no-fear yet (though I long to be), but my weariness of this world and longing to be truly home is starting to outweigh my fear of the "unknown." Thanks for post this.