Thursday, August 11, 2011


Friends, just so you know, I am not depressed like this sounds. This piece is merely a collection of thoughts and battles that I have faced over a lifetime and am still facing today. For some reason, God is bringing it all up again...and so I write because that seems the only outlet right now...

Heartache comes so easy.
The more I've given, the more it seems there is ripped away.

Or is it?

Could it be that I have over analyzed everything, read everything wrong, perhaps placed too much expectation where it didn't belong. I don't think so, yet I can't help believing the result is my fault and I am not worth the investment I was once given.

Why do I have such a low opinion of myself, not placing worth where is belongs?
Why do I believe lies spoon fed to me?
Why does this matter to me?
How can I grow beyond?
So much going on in my head but no answers to the questions tumbling to and fro.

With every lack, the reminder of what used to be stings. And with no rhyme or reason to why, the unknown lingers like a heavy blanket on my mind, tormenting my thoughts, suffocating life in places I did not know exist till darkness crept in to smother it. desperate need of light. Light to shine in, shine on and birth Joy.

(and for my mind to stop over exaggerating an outcome that hasn't even happened.)

Linking with Imperfect Prose


  1. its so easy to forget that just as Christ was with us in the low times, the dark times, the enemy was there too. taunting us and tempting us to be more...wrong, more "unworthy".
    I hear ya...glad you're remembering who won YOUR BATTLE! who drew you during the War.
    blessings to you.

  2. I appreciate your willingness to be so vulnerable. Praying that light would penetrate the darkness, that you would hear the One who calls you louder than any other sound, that there would be unending peace in your soul.

    newest follower...

  3. Oh I know all about this overanalysis of the mind that exaggerates things! It's a beautiful thing and a curse, huh...

  4. Yes, darkness is all around. I feel it, but I feel the hope of light as well. Your writing is so vulnerable. Thank you for sharing. <3

  5. smiles. i appreciate that last line...our minds can easily twist circumstances to look much bleaker...thanks for the note as well that this is not where you are currently...

  6. Glad to know you're not currently feeling this...that you're able to stand back and be objective...part of the beauty of living and growing...

  7. have I read everything wrong? have I believed the unbelievable? I don't know the answer. I would like a road map, but it is not forthcoming.

    Holding on to what was said is not truth...we must focus on truth.

  8. good style - get it out... use this technique again; it is authentic

  9. ugh, I know this feeling. Had it most of my life - only now learning to "radically accept" myself (as my counselor says :) Good news is that it is working. I am reminded of something my spiritual advisor says quite often: "We are not responsible for what happen to us as children but we are responsible for doing something about it as adults." I write to get the yuk out of my head too. Thanks for sharing.

  10. As I read this, I thought, I could've written this myself. Right now, I feel exactly the same. You have my full empathy, and I pray that you will find joy. Heck, I pray that we BOTH will!
    I think of you lots! Love you!

  11. i love you sister. i miss you very much. xo